The Programmes:

Cartoon Rules

No matter how many cartoons you see, no matter which company made them (MGM, Warner Brothers or Hanna Barbara) and who stared in them (Tom, Buggs or Pitstop), there are certain rules that need to be followed. I'm not on about the four fingers or anything else that Rolf pointed out on "Rolf's Cartoon Club", I mean this lot:

Further rules for cartoons will be accepted at info@kids-tv.co.uk.

 

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1a  

If a ball is thrown at you along the ground, it is accompanied, no matter what type of ball is thrown, by the sound of a bowling ball rolling down a tenpin bowling rink.

1b  

Upon contact, a loud crash a la bowling ball hitting skittles will be heard.

1c  

Also upon contact, you will not fall to the ground, you will actually fly up into the air and come back down to the ground split into ten pins. The pins will all be standing and all will be in the correct formation for 10 pin bowling.

2  

If hit in the face by any inanimate object such as an iron, the character's face will take the shape of whatever object hit them.

3  

When flying towards any object sticking out of a wall (such as an ironing board) keep your mouth wide open so that your body wraps itself around said object. Any sharp objects may come out the bottom of your tail (should you have one).

4a  

When running off the end of a mountain or high ground, expect to run out into the air at the same level for quite a while, before coming to a stop (still running, still at the same level) before looking down, realising what's about to happen AND THEN falling to the floor.

4b  

Any puff of smoke you can create upon impact will be appreciated.

4c  

And if you can hold a sign up before falling (such as "HELP!") will also be appreciated.

5  

Any animal burrowing underground should be near enough to ground level so that you borrowing exploits can be viewed.

6  

"Every action has an equal and opposite malfunction". Whatever you buy or build in order to catch, kill or maime your opponent (especailly from ACME) will not work. In fact, it will malfunction so spectacularly, as to cause extensive damage to yourself.

7a  

If you see something that surprises you (it could be a large amount of explosives or an attractive member of the opposite sex) you eyes will actually come out of their sockets (without connecting tendons), your feet will come away from the floor and a loud trumpet will be blown in the background.

7b  

If object of surprise is member of the opposite sex, please feel free to wolf whistle and turn your pupils to love hearts.

8  

Should you hear of or come up with a scheme involving money, your pupils should turn into dollar ($) signs.